Last week, a fellow worker sent me a link to this report from “Good Morning, America.” The basis of the discussion is the wisdom of letting your teen have sex in your house as a way to make sure he or she practices “safe sex.”
The issue was sparked by online conversations, such as this blog posted by Heather Blackmore, which has created quite a buzz on the Internet.
Of course, the whole debate over what actually defines “safe sex” could rage for days on end. But even so, here are a few reasons why this can never serve as an effective strategy for parents.
- It steals a teen’s safety net. One of the most effective arguments against this idea comes from the teens interviewed in the feature. The girls in the report said they would not hesitate to use their parents as an “out” when they feel pressured by boys. By opening their house to teen sex, parents remove the barrier of “my parents would kill me” and rob their teens (both genders) of an important safety net.
- It relies on the tired argument that “kids are going to do it anyway.” Culture has convinced many parents that promoting abstinence is a losing battle. Yet “True Love Waits” and similar movements have been proving for years that a lot of teens are willing to wait until marriage—either as an act of religious conviction or an effort to protect themselves from pregnancy or disease.
- It promotes the myth that safety is all about location. The act of sex, not the geography of sex, opens the door to pregnancy or sexual diseases. In that sense, any room in the house is no safer than the backseat of a car or a hotel room.
- It sends the wrong message about responsibility. In a sense, encouraging sex at home creates a “playing house” mentality about life and sexuality. It’s a fantasy that has the potential for devastating consequences when the real world crashes in.
Those are a few quick thoughts about this subject, but this list is certainly not exhaustive. We’d love to hear your take on this issue.
What’s your reaction to the idea of allowing teens to have sex in the home? What would you say to parents who genuinely thought this was a viable way to protect their teenagers?
I have 4 teenagers including an 18 year old and teach them all daily to abstain from drinking, drugs and sexual relations, etc. I go on further to promote that sex is a beautiful act between husband and wife, not as boyfriend/girlfriend or same sex relationships. I do not feel we have to lose the battle-we simply have to find ways to educate our kids without alienation. My girls understand that I love them enough to train them to make honorable choices. Parents – you simply need to pray for wisdom and it will be given to you. None of us have all the answers, but giving in to a society that continues to teach tolerance and acceptance of inacceptable behavior will continue to provide you with disappointment. Don’t worry about what the rest of the world says – do what you know is right. “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Psalm 22:6). My 18 year old may be a game junkie but he has remained faithful to my teaching. I am proud of him and he is proud of himself. There is great joy and comfort in knowing my persistence has paid off.
I think that this could be a good idea but how about those conservative families? I think that letting your teens have sex in your own house should be considered concerning the type of family and its applicability.
I am 18 years old and I can honestly say that having my mother say “No” is a greater comfort than when she wants to talk about contraceptives (she’s confused, that one!). Speaking for the South African society of both Christian and non-Christian teens, I have noticed that EVERYONE wants some kind of virtue to lean back on, and permissive parents honestly take that away from us. Making a decision to abstain is tough enough without having your parent give you the go-ahead to do whatever we can to ruin our lives. Parents, even though we don’t act like it, we need you to make rules that affirm that we are not crazy Christ fanatics for wanting to wait. In our own crazy way, we desperately want to break away from the mold. It scares us senseless when we see our peers contract STIs and fall pregnant out of wedlock. We also notice how emotionally vacant some sex-crazed young people are, and we don’t want to go there. Steer us in the right direction and create an open platform for us to talk about our feelings and pressures. Please?
I am 17 years old, and live in Uruguay, South America. I also want to keep my purity till marriage.
Personally, I just can’t stand the idea of a parent giving his/her son/daughter permission to have sex in their house, it’s just wierd to think about it.
Although I have not had any experience of the kind, I just don’t see the difference between having sex in a hotel/house/whatever? And if you’re talking about the “romance” and that stuff, let me tell you that 80% or more of the teenagers do it just becuase of their sexual “needs”, as they like to call it these days.
And a message to all of those teens who want to wait till marriage: Keep up that good work! I’ve got loads of friends that think it’s the best option, although there are not many christians in my country.
All the opinions stated in here are related to sex without love. What if you have an 18 year old who has a relationship of over 2 years with someone he/she wants to marry in the future? In that case your teen is probably frustrated that he/she has no place to be intimate with his/her significant other and will probably find the place they need to be a motel room or the back of a car, spending large amounts of money or risking being caught by the police. How should you react in that type of situation?
After reading this article that I just happen to pick up in my church about this subject made be sick to my stomach. It has really showed me how much the church and mean the people and who are the church who call themselves Christians have failed miserably. I can’t even imagine how much our heavenly father has grieved knowing that he sent his one and only son to us so we can do what ever we want and not obey anything that he set forth for us. Let me be the first to apologize on behalf of my brothers and sister in Christ for what we have portrayed to the non christian community. For those of you who are or calling yourself Christians out there I suggest that you pick up your Bible and staring reading beginning in Genesis about what an actual blood covenant is and how sacred that is to our Father. In the Bible begging in Genesis God speaks about the blood covenant and what it means to him. This has to do with any blood covenant in the Bible. When you get married the covenant that you take also involves the shedding of blood that is the reason God provided that certain piece that is in a woman that sheds blood after they consummate the marriage in Love. Parents please pick up your Bible and start reading it before anyone tells you anything different everything to raising your teen has been a best seller for years written by an author from the beginning of time. Do yourself a favor pick it up and start reading for yourself but most of all the ones you love and care about. God cared so much for us he did not want us to mess that is the reason he wrote your instruction booklet for you. You do have an instruction manual to use for raising your children from our Father who loved them first we have no excuse for our actions.
Really take a look at the blood covenants in the Bible and you can see how God regards them that is the reason he is still drawing his people back to him. http://www.openbible.info/topics/the_blood_covenant
For those of you that are non Christians find yourself a real Bible believing church that preaches the word of God and Christian friends that read their Bible to show you how much God does really care about us and how he wants so many good things for us and most of all how he sent His Son to die for us on the cross so satan could hold on to us no longer. Thank you Jesus for the gift and the covenant!!! The devil and all his demonic spirits continue to draw us back my whatever means he can use that is why the other good news is all the good gifts that we are given to battle the enemy in Jesus name when the trials come our way. Stay strong in your faith and stand firm follow His Commandments and Love the Lord with all your heart. Ladies stay pure for your man that God provides for you and Gentlemen stay pure for the woman that God provides for you. Just as we the bride of Christ the church are to be pure for her husband. wake up Christian America save our sons and daughters from the wiles of the devil. Pray for them and their salvation and mothers pray harder for they were given to us for a time to train them and bring them up in the word so step up to the plate and do it for we are held accountable unto the most High.
As youth speakers and parent coaches, my wife and I ask this question of parents: “How many of you would be so joyous if your child repeated your exact relationship history from the time you were 13 until you got married?” Finding that 98% of parents emphatically say “NO” to that question is indicative of our parent culture these days. They would NEVER want their kids to repeat their mistakes, yet one solution is to “guide” them by providing a “safe” environment to make that same mistake? Insane. But this does not apply only to sex: I was recently talking to a youth pastor who said that a mom in his church took her daughter to the movie “Friends With Benefits.” As they sat down in the front row, the mom said, “By the way, we don’t believe the things in this movie.” What she really was saying was “I am a confused, passive parent who caves in to social pressure to be cool and I not only am I not going to teach you about the Word of God, but I’m also going to pay for your ticket to sin.” Or, this story from the same youth pastor: One of the moms in his church said, “We would rather that Jill date while she is at home so we can help her through the pain before she goes to college.” As if going through that pain is NECESSARY and UNIVERSAL. Insane. Let’s all continue to work hard to change the tide of worldy dating (less than 100 years old historically) and a secular worldview toward the truth contained in Scripture: “By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.” 1 John 2:5-6.